Classic Chandler Comments

Chandler Bing . An all time favorite with his wisecracks, his perfectly timed comments which resulted in tears of laughter from anyone watching the show.

Could I BE any clearer????

Right from the first episode:

Ross says: Oh, I just want to be married again

Rachel comes into central perk in wedding suit

Chandler says: And I just want a million dollars!!!!!!'

to the last:

Chandler and Monica are about to leave.

Rachel: should we get some coffee?

Chandler: where?

Chandler Bing has been one of the most popular stars, for his originally funny jokes and well timed comments. Here is a small listing of his hilarious cracks.

Chandler (so happy): Saturday night, Saturday night, sa-tur-day night!

Ross: You don't have anything to do right?

Chandler (so sad): no...

Phoebe tells everyone that she doesn't believe in gravity, someone knocks really hard on the door and Chandler says....

"I guess that's Isaac Newton and he's pissed....!"

While watching the prom video:

Monica: The camera adds 10 pounds.

Chandler: So how many cameras are actually on you????

Chandler is trapped in an atm with a hot super model

she asks if he wants to make a call

chandler thinks 'yeah! To the 1500 people I went to high school with'

Chandler is trapped in an atm with a hot super model. He makes a call to Monica's apartment.

Chandler: ma ma mamamed mim mam aem

Monica: what?

He repeats n Monica still says what??

Chandler: give the phone to Joey

and when he tells the exact words to Joey...Joey: chandler is trapped in an atm with a model...

Rachel's leaning over (very close to Ross's face) and looking at baby photos,

Chandler is sitting nearby and watching them.

Rachel: Oh my god! You must just want to grab him and kiss him all over

Ross: (swooning with his lips close to Rachel's cheek) Yeah! That would be nice...

Chandler: (gets exasperated) Psht...

Ross and Rachel turn to look at him: What was that again?

Chandler: Oh, nothing... Just a little extra air in my mouth... Psht..Puh...

"I can handle any situation, handle is my middle name... Actually it is the middle part of my first name"

Joey is drilling something and nearly gets chandler..

Joey: Did I get you?

Chandler: That's an electric drill! You get me, you kill me!!

Chandler (to Rachel and Phoebe):I Got Myself a Date Even When Joey Was Around

Rachel: How Come.

Chandler: Be-cause I am smarter and better.

Rachel and Phoebe Stare at Him

Chandler: Oh Alright Joey was unconscious.

When Chandler accidentally sees Rachael's boobs and she asks to see his thing because it has to be tit for tat...

chandler: well I'm not showing you my "tat"!!

Monica and Chandler are dining with Richard and his new girlfriend.

Hi I am chandler Bing I make jokes when I am uncomfortable. Later on during dinner.. "I have got a funny one, I had once seen my mother and father making love to the same guy......pause....I told u b4 I make jokes when i'm uncomfortable!!!!!

" If I were a guy.....did I just say if I were a guy"

Joey n Chandler come to Richard's apartment to buy it, he asks the agent, "Well how come Richard's selling the apartment??? Went bankrupt, medical malpractice, choked on his own mustache???????

Ross and Rachel married in a drunken state in Las Vegas. When they return,

Rachel: Maybe we should get a divorce lawyer?

Chandler: Well, I think, I think, Ross already has one. Now, this one's free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so the third one's free!

Chandler: NO, I will not give up my bachelor pad!

Monica: Your bachelor pad? Have u even had a girl up here?

Chandler: (embarrassed) Nooo...... But Joey has! And I talk to them in the morning at the breakfast.

Joey tries to sell off his cabinet but gets robbed instead.

Chandler: You mean u got in there voluntarily?

Joey: I was trying to make a sale.

Oh Mann... (Angrily) if I meet that guy again..... U know what I'm gonna do?

Chandler: Bend overrrrr???????

You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants, but when he gets out of the shower he puts a towel around his waist, I mean what's that about?

Just after Joey is robbed, he manages to snag some lawn furniture from the Super. Now, they have lawn chairs, a rusty table and a canoe. As they're sitting down, the duck and chick come out and the duck's quacking. Chandler looks at Joey with this look of incredulity and says,

"Could we BE any more white trash?"

Everybody is playing poker.

Phoebe: Joker is poker with a J..Coincidence??! Chandler: Coincidence???...that's joincidence with a C!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ross gets a monkey. To that chandler's reaction : That Monkey's got a Ross on its ass....!!!

Ross is looking through the peephole at Rachel and Mark, and he complains that he cannot see them anymore....then chandler goes "....and the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave."....

Rachel runs into Mark seven years after Ross and Rachel broke up because Ross was jealous of Mark.

Ross : Mark's invited her to dinner, but I know him. He just wants to sleep with her!

Chandler: its seven years ago! My time machine works!

Chandler's dialing a number of a girl that he's nervous about talking to... and he quickly hangs up:

Chandler: "I got her machine."

Joey: "Her answering machine?"

Chandler: "No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up."

On their engagement night when he failed to get an erection, he was devastated, and in his own goofy way he said "in high school I failed biology and today biology failed me"!!!!

"Sometimes, I wish I was a Lesbian... Did I say that Loud"

Joey acts in City Free Clinic ad /gets VD :-)

Joey: from today I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor/model...

Chandler : That's funny, because I was thinking you were Joey Tribbiani, man/woman!

Monica's making Chandler do sit-ups...

Monica: Five more, and I'll flash you. Chandler: One...Two...Two n a half...ok just show me one

Monica has weird hair like an African..

Monica says - we are the only ones who are leaving with the person we came with.

Chandler - no, I came with Monica and I'm leaving with weird Al.

Monica - oh k, ill go to the salon tom and get my hair done.

Chandler - ok buckwheat.

Joey asks Chandler to take risks in life... like commitment to women. And he is driving his point home.

Joey: "oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind."

Chandler: "yeah, Joey, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I would be pretty much peeing every which way.

Peeeduumm puummm ppiissshhh!!!!!!!!

Chandler comes to know that Monica is having a secret closet and she won't open it.

Joey tells chandler that she mite be hiding Richard in there.

So Chandler tries to open the closet door with a credit card and accidentally drops in thru the door opening.

Chandler : Richard if u are in there can u pls pass my credit card.

Monica's making jam. Joey loves jam a lot....n he is saying so to Monica n all of a sudden he turns n with an air of a demanding husband asks chandler " y don't we have jam at our place????"

and chandler in his soft sarcastic way says "The kids need their shoes!"

Rach/Pheobe is showing him a picture of a cute guy...she points to his dimple and says - just look that that!!!

Chandler : A face ass???

Make groom...for chandler!!!

Chandler says that he doesn't cry.

Joey: what if you saw a three-legged puppy?

Chandler: I'd be sad, sure..But I wouldn't cry.

Joey: ok, what if the puppy said "help me chandler

all the other puppies pick on me"

chandler: cry? I just found a talking puppy. I'm rich!

Emma's male nanny. Chandler : u have a male nanny?... u have a manny?

Frank Jr. Jr. comes out of the delivery room screaming...."Chandler is a girl, Chandler is a girl"

Chandler: Kindergarten flashback!!!

Joey wants a part where he has to kiss a guy...he asks chandler & Ross to help him..

First he looks at Ross..

Ross: over my dead body!

Then Joey looks at chandler...

chandler: oh.. And I'll be using his dead body as a shield..

Whooopppa!!!!!

Joey's tailor is gay and takes advantage of chandler while measuring him for pants.

Chandler : Your tailor is a very bad man!!

Rachel is tired of being single and chandler offers to set her up

Rachel:- ok thanks. But no accountants...and no one from legal...I don't like guys with boring jobs...

chandler:- and Ross was what A LION TAMER!!

Monica says she met d funniest guy. Chandler comes home n says to d door " I am funny rite? What do you know you are a door.... u jus like knock knock jokes...."

I'm not too good at advice. Can I interest u in a sarcastic comment...

Ross goes to a tanning place and gets a double dose by mistake.

"Ross: I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.

Chandler: Was that place... the sun??"

When chandler carries Monica on his back

Monica: "wait, where are the boots?"

Chandler: "why don't you check in my saddle bags , while I chew on a bale of hay!"

When Ross is planning to play some Scottish instrument for Monica n Chandler's wedding n they hear the noises from across the street..

Mon: why is your family Scottish??

Chandler: why I your family Ross?

Monica and Chandler find out that Janice would be moving next door.

Chandler : Just think... you'll hear the birds, the crickets and oh-my-god!!

That is so NOT true!!!!!!!!

Erica has delivered one baby and the doctor informs them that the other is on the way. Chandler : but we only ordered one!!!

Well, I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed compiling. Could it BE more interesting a pass time??